More than ever, the media seems to be glamorising women being nasty to each other. ‘Get your hair conditioned Cassandra and get your fking splits cut’ is amongst the catty comments in the new season of Selling Sunset. The Netflix reality TV show, based around Los Angeles estate agents, originally showed women trying to make a lot of commission and working hard. However, Season 7 was a new flavour of mean girls and making successful women look like they need to be at war with each other. In theory, it should be an empowering watch but all the words were sharper than stilettos.
For the sake of screen time, many characters had become a lot more stubborn and had an air of saying anything they wanted to each other. In the Selling Sunset reunion, one of the girls said strongly that she ‘hated’ the girl sitting opposite her. Of course it’s great TV to binge under a cosy blanket but why do women have this fiery competition?
Nowadays, everyone pretends this so-called ‘female competition’ has disappeared and all girls empower each other. An Instagram dump of quotes promoting female love, showered in hearts covers up what still goes on. Whether it’s on the TV or in daily life there are reasons to why women feel threatened:
Women compete to be the bestÂ
Women seem to show a more indirect aggression towards each other that can easily go unnoticed. Charles Darwin, biologist, in the 1800s concluded that males will have ‘intra-sexual’ competition with traits that are attractive to the opposite sex. This study originally applied to men who were looking for a ‘mate’. However, in the 80s, research started to show that the same can happen with females. This competition is split into self promoting our attractive traits and criticising others that may seem a threat. Joyce Benneson, a researcher at Emmanuel College, says that women rely on ‘veiled aggression’ towards other females. So gossiping, toxic positivity or others taking credit for your work are subtle ways of survival oriented competitiveness.
On a Netflix show, a mean comment is the climax of the episode but in real life a side comment may be over in a mere 3 seconds. Yet, the issue is that the media dramatises the gossip culture when it can be very damaging. The best way to think is that next time you see another girl as a ‘threat’, ask yourself for the receipts of where this is coming from. Insecurity can lead to irrational thoughts and life doesn’t always need to be a dramatic reality show.Â
Jealousy, JealousyÂ
The title's reference to the Olivia Rodrigo song is another culprit in why women sometimes shrink each other down. ‘She’s just jealous’ seems to have been superglued into most female brains. Yet, this phrase over emphasises the competition by labelling someone as jealous with no motive. A study in Development Psychology said that ‘adolescents who are lonely more often perceive friendship as threatened by peers’. After evaluating 500 fifth to ninth graders on hypothetical questions, it was concluded that girls were more jealous of seeing their peers hang out with others. Therefore, when other girls start to act protective then it could be coming from a place of needing to protect themselves. There is an incessant need to constantly compare and stalk on Instagram but that will only fuel the flame of jealousy more.Â
My overall point is not to erase all the competition and jealousy as I believe they are healthy human emotions. They can be used to drive us to work harder and give more purpose. However, competiveness and jealously tend to stem back to low self-esteem, showing it's not worth the argument. In fact, it's better to spend time on yourself and not needing to tear someone else down with you.
Next time you are sitting watching something where a woman is belittling another, look at the
facts - is it worth it? Everything we consume, especially with Tik Tok, can influence our daily behaviours and doesn’t need to be copied into the real world. Unless you are wanting to be a reality TV star.Â
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