It’s nearly been three weeks since I hit the “submit’’ button on the final essay of my degree and it’s only just sunk in. To note the cliches: I have been on a run, read my book for an hour and watched Netflix documentaries about conspiracies that I have described in depth to my housemates. However, it doesn’t fill the void entirely. I think when you finish your degree you expect confetti balloons to jump out of your laptop. Instead, it can feel a bit like a deflated balloon where you bypass all your great achievements and focus on the dread of the future.
That's not to say, I don’t miss the stress of finding references and making sure every colon and full stop is in place. But there was a routine and something to put on my to do list everyday. The difference now is that the time is filled with wondering – what do I actually enjoy doing?
In my quiet days off work, whenever I’ve felt a rush of anxiety, I’ve kept reminding myself of all the good things I have done already. I have been through a phase already of seeing the number 1111, once whilst I was drunk at a party. Apparently, this number means everything is aligning correctly in your life, not sure if my life is aligned when I'm hungover but I'll take the sign as I'm on the wrong path. I keep wanting to have backup plans in case anything goes wrong and I spend hours scrolling on my laptop waiting for the perfect opportunity to appear. I gave a piece of my advice to my friend going into third year saying to be prepared for everything to change n in your last month. Still now, I follow that advice for myself as someday I wake up still really questioning everything I'm doing. On social media, I see people exploring Australia, girls my age working corporate jobs, some taking a gap year to just work, and it can feel overwhelming to decide what Instagram filter you want to put onto your life.
Whatever field or industry you are heading into, there is a pressure to be at the top before you get there. I’m not going to use a cheesy quote such as “It’s a mountain not a hill’’ or whatever they say, but it is true that you don’t graduate and end up executive director of a company. So, there is an uncomfortable middle ground to get over in that you don’t know everything and there is going to be an element of hard work to get there (or in my industry I want to go into, ALOT of hard work).
In a year's time I'd like to read this post back and hopefully still be writing my blog. Even if I can't end up writing for my dream magazine within the first few years of my career, finding passion hobbies are really important and remind you with what you actually like doing. I'd like to think in a year I didn't find moving away from uni town so scary and that it was the scary change that ended up being the right decision.
Iona xox
コメント